When you just have to surf you just have to surf. It’s not your fault. It’s a higher calling. It’s as if everyone up stairs got together and pushed you through town, over the sand and into the water without any way to stop them. Damn those Gods at work again.
So just how do you cover up for the fact that you’ve been surfing when you were meant to be at work? After-all your hair’s wet, you’ve got sand on your brow, a small collection forming round your feet and, oh yes, that is a small crab emerging out of your right trouser leg just as your boss builds up a head of steam in yet another full blown tirade. Let’s find out shall we?
1. The Heroic Bluff: I was passing the beach on my way back to the office when I saw someone flailing around in the water. Unperturbed by the potential danger and giving no thought to my own safety I launched straight down the beach, removing by suit and tie as I went, and launched straight into the water courtesy of an Eric Arakawa longboard which just so happened to have been washed up at that exact moment.
Moments later I was able to rescue said flailing fair maiden from the clutches of a strong undercurrent. I got her on my board and caught a perfect right point-break all the way to shore before handing her over to the awaiting medics.
I really do beg your forgiveness sir. I will try not to be so gallant in future.
2. The Swift Reverse: My hair is not wet and there is no sand on me or forming around my feet. I think you should lie down, you don’t look well. Have you been drinking again?
3. The Innocent Side Step: Wet hair? No it’s a new gel I’m trying out sir. And this here is just sandesque facial scrub.
4. The Oscar Nomination: My kittens died this morning (quiver lip and pause)… and my rabbits too… (Burst into tears and run out office).
5. The Crazed Mexican: Pardon? No muchos hablo inglais senor. Quierro hablar con el director por favor!
Just don’t blame me if you get fired. I said they were excuses not good ones.
Eric Arakawa
