The Surfer’s Dilemma

Our new regular Wednesday guest blogger, Miss Mia Legg, is back with another edition of ‘The Realm of the Kooks.’ Strap in, stay calm and take a ride.

“I love going to the beach!” said Mia, with an air balloon sized smile. “The sand! The sky! The waves! The boardwalk! The sign…

…that says ‘No Kooks’. ”

That was my first experience at the beach after deciding I wanted to be a surfer. I was a kook; unwanted at the one place where board meets ocean, where you can walk on water without being a reincarnated, six pack flashing, brown hair waving savior of the Earth.

At that point in my life, I was not a Twitter addict. But if I was, my status update after that trip to the beach definitely would have included: #Not #Stoked. Being a beginner at anything in life is hard enough without the societal refrain from a shiny, new membership card.

I remember the first time I went snowboarding I crashed into every visible pole made to hold up the ski lift. I found comfort in the fact that they were heavily padded, an indication that others before me had also slid my path of shameful destruction.

Mia in ‘Pfft Black Diamond Run My Ass!’ calamity

Those collisions were a big deal to me, mainly because of the pain, but I realized nobody around me seemed to care since that is what beginners do; they crash into things and, it’s hilarious! Yet, no one was calling me a snimkabomb, a poodgle or a triminator. (I mean, where did the word kook come from anyway? It’s just as bad as those three words I just made up). (Well, almost).

The point is, the sport of surfing is the only activity with a ‘let’s hackle beginners’ word that is strong enough to ban beginners from entering the realm altogether.

EXAMPLE: “This is a beach for locals only, kooks go home!” I’m pretty sure that old guy from Pappyland (anyone remember that show?) and Picasso weren’t called poodgles, kooks or triminators when they first started painting and sucked at it.

If you note in the above picture, under the phrase “locals only” and “hipsters go home” someone wrote, “aloha.” Aloha means peace, breath of life, welcome, love, and other words that make you want to hug teddy bears or watch “Lilo and Stitch” and cry. Anyone else notice that skull next to the word ‘only’? Well, according to Wikipedia, aloha even means mercy. How ironic.

Polynesians who created surfing centered the activity on spiritual and religious ceremonies and for enjoyment with friends and family. Isn’t it quite hypocritical to negatively represent the ancient creators of the sport we love so much by “localizing” beaches and dropping in on beginners or non familiar faces?

I realize that beaches get crowded and one wave is meant for one solo rider. I do not believe that realization gives us permission to hog waves for ourselves and our local besties. I think instead, we should follow the sharing is caring Barney route and find a system that works for us all.

Have we all forgotten that God, the big bang, and/or sugar fairies never would have created us humans if waves were meant to be utilized by selected groups of people, instead of shared?

If we keep claiming control of beaches, we will be punished! Maybe by that rapture that was supposed to happen a couple of times already. And if that occurs, the only living things surfing waves will be those bodysurfing geese in that video Kelly Slater tweeted.

My hope is that all aspiring surfers bummed over entering the surf hierarchy in kookville will think about the good reasons for being a kook. Yes, there are good reasons! I will pinpoint them next week and we will see if ours match up.

I will also work on not incorporating religious and childhood heroes such as The Cookie Monster, Jesus, Pappy, and Barney in my articles.

Until next time, (… you better go to the beach!)

Mia